This is Going to be a Nightmare

One of the former luxuries that is now quickly becoming standard is internet service. Rebecca and I have not paid for cable in our near year and half of marriage, but we do spring for internet. If Rebecca ever wants to be at home she pretty much has to have it. With her photography and graphic design business she is constantly uploading pictures, conversing in email with clients, and posting to her blog/website. So daily trips to Panera Bread to borrow internet just won't cut it.

So two days after we moved in I signed up for DSL. AT&T is running a new customer special, so its at a nice price. We had AT&T in Starkville and never had any trouble. So I thought this would be painless as well.

I signed up on October 4th. Our scheduled activation date was October 12th, a Tuesday. I don't know what all is involved in activating it, but that seemed to be a little long. Considering what ensued it was way too long because the activation did not cover making sure it actually worked.

We called the help line three times that day to see how we would know when the service was turned on since we didn't have to be there for the activation. This brings me to complaint #1

• Every time you call the help line you have to go through minimum of 5 minutes of automation. During which you have to key in your DSL phone number. Then, when you finally get to a real person the first thing they ask is "Can I have your phone number assoicated with your DSL account?" 

Each phone call that day ended with them telling us it would be turned on later that day. "It usually gets turned on in the afternoon." "It usually gets turned on between 6-8 PM." "Sometimes it doesn't get reset until after midnight." All seemed to be vague answers indicating they have no idea when it actually gets "turned on," whatever that means.

So, the next day (Wednesday) I called again (see complaint #1) and talked to Disney. After she asked me some in-depth troubleshooting questions like "Is it plugged in?", "Is it connected to the phone jack?", "Is the DSL light on?". Which brings me to complaint #2

• Services like this should have two phone numbers: One for people who need help plugging the modem in and a second for people who actually know how technology basically works.

After answering all her questions she scheduled a technician to come out at earliest on Thursday. We were going to be gone all of that day so it had to be Friday. Disney still insisted it was probably our modem (insinuating it was my fault) and if the technician had to touch the modem they would charge us.

Friday morning arrived. I know "having to have internet" may seem 'prima donna' but like I said she needs it for her work and her office isn't exactly mobile. I'm out working all day so I'm not there for the technicians. The guy arrives on time and finds that there is something wrong with our phone jack. He works on it and installs another kind of filter. We already had one on there so not sure for the need of this one. We would later find out it was not necessary. He also determined there was something wrong with the outside line, which he was not qualified to work on so another technician would have to come out. He told Rebecca it may be 48 hours before that happens. So Rebecca calls me (tissues in hand) telling me we still don't have it, she can't work on her stuff, we're about to go on vacation and she'll have to work on it then.

"Happy wife, happy life" came to my mind and since she wasn't exactly very happy, the latter was probably not going to be true either. So I decide to take matters into my own hands and let AT&T have a piece of my mind. Whether or not the following actually had any bearing on getting internet faster I don't know, but it made me feel better. 

I decided a better tactic than calling 1-800 help would be to get a local number so I can talk to the technician and try to get this process sped up. I get a local number but it automatically redirects me to the 1-800 number. I forget the name of the girl I finally got but she had the "You're an idiot" tone about her. I'm sure my tone didn't help that.

Girl: Can I have you DSL phone number?

Me: I just typed that in, why do I have to give it again?

Girl: That's only for our automated system, I don't see that. What is your problem today?

Me: We signed up for internet on October 4th. It was scheduled to be turned on October 12th. It was not turned on then. A technician came out this morning and determined it was something in the outside line. He said it may be 48 hours before that happens and that is unacceptable. We've been waiting for nearly two weeks, we both run businesses from home, and there has to be a faster way than this. 

Girl: Is your DSL light on?

Me: Did you not just hear what I said? The technician just left my condo, he said it was it was a problem with the outside line and it may be 48 hours before that gets fixed. That is unacceptable. 

(This is where her tone changes from "you're in idiot" to "you're and idiot and I hate you")

Girl: Sir, I'm trying to help if you'll answer my questions. 

Me: Ok, ask your questions.

Girl: Have you tried different phone jacks?

Me: Once again, I just told you the technician just left and its a problem with the outside line.

Girl: Well my computer shows that your service is activated.

Me: I don't care what your computer says, its not activated. 

Girl: Outside lines issues are another department and they don't do technical service over the phone.

Me: Can you give me the number to the local Birmingham office so I can find out from them what the issue is.

Girl: We don't have numbers for the local offices.

Me: Can you transfer me then?

Girl: The local offices don't have phone numbers.

Me: Then how in the world do you get in touch with them to do maintenance.

Girl: We do it over the computer.

Me (In a slightly raised tone): You mean to tell me that AT&T, a phone company, doesn't have phone numbers at their local offices. That is unbelievable. 

Girl: Silence

Me: Well let me talk to your supervisor.

Girl: I'll have to put you on hold

Me: Fine

Cheesy music plays. 

Girl: Mr. Long, my supervisor has access to more information than I can see, and it shows that the technician who came out this morning scheduled a line man to come out and he should be there before 6 PM today. (I would also like to note that her tone changed to much nicer at this point. Either she didn't believe me about the technician or her supervisor was listening in. It also brings me to complaint #3)

• Why do the 1st tier customer service people not get to see all your information. Wouldn't that greatly help solving problems?

Girl: Would you still like to speak to my supervisor?

Me: yes

So I talk to Joe the supervisor and he is much nicer. I tell him the whole story and he reassures me that they will be out this afternoon to fix it. I ask if I can have his direct number in case something goes wrong. He says he doesn't have a direct number but he will call me back as soon as he gets an update. Sure enough a couple hours later, he calls me back saying the guy should be there soon. Rebecca calls me right after and tells me "Mark the Super Technician" has arrived. (Rebecca described him as Vin Diesel like)

Mark informs us that the previous guy was a contracted guy and thats why he couldn't work on the outside portion. Mark also complains about how the company is run and that a lot of them are stupid. I don't know the technical terms, but apparently something wasn't even connected in the outside box so there was no way for it to work. He also criticized the previous technician for mounting an ugly filter on our wall when we already had one. A drying eyes Rebecca told him our internet saga and earned some sympathy from Mark. He gave us a new modem/router and set everything up which should cost $150. Ours worked, he just knew how to set those up easier. 

So, by 3:08 PM we had internet.

The whole story reminded me of a Brian Regan clip and gave me the name for this post. Fast forward to 7:40.