The stories from fellow small groupers reminded me of a lesson I had to learn in relationships. Rebecca and I have been married for over 2 years now and I still have to remind myself of this. Relationships in marriage, family, and friends can sometimes be brutal. I've noticed how easily frustrated people can become with one another the longer they've known each other. A seemingly insignificant thing can cause a huge argument. Sometimes these 'things' are the result of things deemed bad habits. A lot of times these 'bad habits' are not necessarily bad, just annoying to the other person.
I have seen in others and I know I have seen it in my own marriage, that I can let these things build up in me and become such a source of frustration. You marry someone having a pretty good idea who they are, but then there is so much more to learn. While you are dating its hard to find anything wrong with each other, then when you are married some have trouble finding anything good. I mean how often do you hear a person talk good about their spouse when the other is not around. Most of the time its just joking, but there's always some truth to a joke.
So the lesson I've had to remind myself is to not take someone's uniqueness as an annoyance. I married Rebecca because I love the person she is. So why after marriage would I try to change that personality? I think it is our nature to question things that our different than ourselves. So when we are constantly around that difference it starts to bug us. Sure there are things we need to keep each other accountable on and definitely build one another up in love. But I've noticed there are so many indifferent things that seem to bother us the most.
For instance. Rebecca and I differ on our sleep schedule. The nature of my work lends me to go to bed early and get going early to beat the hot portion of the day. Rebecca doesn't really have a set schedule. Her nature is to work real late (often after midnight) and then sleep later than most. It isn't that she is lazy. She actually works more hours than anyone I know. She just likes to sleep at a different range of hours than myself. This use to bother me because I've always been around the conventional wisdom of "early to bed, early to rise" mentality. So if you're sleeping in, then you are lazy and wasting time. The fact is she just works better at night and functions better during the day if she doesn't have to get up early. Why she can't just shift her body clock, I don't know. So rather than letting it bother me, I realized that's just who she is. Her sleep/work schedule is not wrong, its just different than my own. By changing it I'm not making her a better person, just more like myself.
We all have a sin nature so there are going to be things that need correcting from our spouse. But there are also lots of things that don't need changing, because that's just who we are. We are all created uniquely by God and made that way for a reason. We should rejoice in the nature of his creation, not get frustrated at it.
It definitely would be a boring place if we were all the same.
